Friendship worth the trouble
The American Psychological Association defines friendship as a voluntary, relatively long-term relationship between two or more people, based on mutual concern for the needs of its participants and the opportunity to fulfill their own desires. Friendships are most often strengthened through shared experiences, which make the participants recognise how rewarding it is to be in each other’s company.
Research confirms that such satisfaction has a solid foundation. Relationships based on trust significantly improve our sense of security and have a positive impact on health. One of the main benefits is the stress reduction that comes from knowing that we can count on the support of friends in difficult moments.
The key principles of friendship relationships, which are a source of positive emotions and a sense of closeness, include:
- Trust and loyalty. Trust is fundamental to friendship because it allows both parties to be open and honest in expressing themselves. Friends share their deepest thoughts, which strengthens the bond and builds a sense of security. Loyalty and commitment to the relationship are manifested through mutual concern and support – especially in difficult situations.
- Reciprocity and balance. True friendship is based on reciprocity – both parties are similarly committed to the relationship in terms of their time, energy or resources. Maintaining harmony and balance prevents a sense of exploitation or inequality, which enhances positive feeling and minimises the risk of conflict.
- Independence and autonomy. Healthy friendships allow for the expression of individuality and personal growth of each person. Relationships in which there is space for autonomy positively affect our psychological well-being as well as motivate us to achieve goals and nurture interests without creating dependencies – and this further strengthens the bonds between participants.
- Shared interests and values. Similar interests and shared values help establish and strengthen friendships. These similarities increase the stability of the relationship and reduce the risk of potential conflicts, providing topics for discussion, creating space to spend time together and increasing mutual understanding.
- Long-term stability and well-being. Friendships often offer more stability than romantic relationships, which – in the long run – can contribute to emotional well-being and an overall sense of happiness in life. While romantic relationships are often characterised by many ups and downs, friendships offer a constant source of support at various stages of life. This stability of the friendship relationship can serve as a reliable “anchor” for mental health, increasing a sense of security.
- Less reliance on romantic relationships. Research shows that strong friendships can reduce reliance on romantic relationships as the sole source of emotional support. People with close friendships experience greater life satisfaction and lower levels of depression, regardless of the difficulties they experience in love relationships.
- Emotion regulation and mental resilience. Friends help us deal with our emotions by offering empathy and new perspectives on a situation. Such emotional regulation is particularly beneficial for mental health – friends provide us with a safe space to express thoughts and feelings, contributing to building self-confidence and mental resilience.
- Sense of belonging. Friendships build a sense of belonging and support the process of self-acceptance. Unlike romantic relationships, which often focus on intimacy and attachment, friendships foster social integration and identity development – especially during adolescence and early adulthood. Having a circle of friends gives us a sense of belonging to a larger social network, which reduces the risk of social isolation.
How to you find friends in adulthood?
If you feel that you would like to have more friends, you should start by increasing the number of opportunities to meet new people. This can be done in various ways. Here are some tips developed based on psychological research.
- Gradually build friendships through repeated interactions
A key part of making new friends in adulthood is repeated, casual interactions. “The effect of casual exposure” suggests that we relate more fondly to people and things we regularly encounter. Regularly visiting places such as a local cafe or gym, as well as attending regular events, increases the likelihood of meeting and bonding with potential friends. Moreover, in the context of deepening existing ties, this effect underscores how important it is to regularly spend time with the people with whom we want to build a friendship relationship.
- Group activities
Participating in group activities is one of the best ways to meet people with similar interests and make new contacts. According to psychologists, joint activities provide a natural context for conversation and relationship building, helping adults overcome the awkwardness that accompanies new social situations. These shared experiences create reference points that, over time, can serve as a basis for developing deeper friendships.
- Sharing private experiences and information
Gradual sharing of personal experiences and information is another effective method of deepening new friendships. Research confirms that mutual self-disclosure fosters trust and strengthens ties. The key is to start conversations with lighter topics and gradually share more personal stories. This approach encourages reciprocity, showing a sincere interest in the other person and laying the foundation for a new friendship.
- Involvement in volunteering and social activism
Engaging in volunteer work or membership in community organisations is another effective way to establish new relationships. Research confirms that people involved in volunteering are more likely to build social networks and feel greater satisfaction with their social lives. Working together often facilitates deeper bonds based on similar values.
A true, healthy friendship brings many benefits to our lives. It teaches us to talk openly about emotions, which helps to work on them and understand them better. Friendship provides us with a sense of security, reassuring us that we can count on the support of those close to us in difficult times, and also strengthens our self-esteem.
The benefits of friendship are multi-faceted and include both emotional and health aspects. That is why it is worth investing time and energy in nurturing relationships with others and not giving up on finding friendships – even if we haven’t had such relationships for most of our lives. So if you are looking for friendship, remember that many people want the same thing. Give yourself a chance to meet someone special!
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