How to survive Christmas with the family?

Haste increases stress and aggression!

Almost everyone knows that if they are in a hurry or act under pressure, they become more bad-tempered. It is easier for them to fall into a swirl of negative emotions. If someone cuts you off in traffic or takes an exceptionally long time taking out goods at the checkout, you’re more likely to get annoyed when you’re short on time. Also, when something stresses you out, you are more likely to become unkind to co-workers, a sales assistant or a friend. No wonder, then, that especially during the holiday season you see so many arguments in stores, on the streets and within families. Even for trivial reasons! Instead of constantly rushing and “ticking off” more tasks, slow down. Relax and ensure a bit of pleasure for yourself and loved ones. This will translate into a better atmosphere and less tension on Christmas.

Get some rest!

Before Christmas, we usually have an accumulation of duties at work. Many people take a leave. So there is additional pressure to complete as many tasks as possible. Especially if our monthly or annual bonus depends on it. And in addition, if you take up too many Christmas preparation tasks, you will be too tired and annoyed instead of enjoying the gathering with your loved ones. You will become less mentally resilient. You will more easily lose temper even as a result of trifles.

You’ll do more good for yourself and your family if you make sure you get enough sleep and relax than if, at the expense of your health and nerves, you prepare as many as 12 Christmas dishes or clean and decorate your home better.

Don’t accept invitations to get angry

Almost in every family, unfortunately, there are people who take pleasure in needling others. They provoke, tease or try to engage in verbal jousts. In doing so, they send an “invitation to get angry”. The more distress they cause to someone, the more fun for them.

If you have no way to avoid the company of such toxic people, at least don’t get drawn into their games. Don’t forget that they are masters at it, as they have decades of experience in teasing. Don’t expect to change them. A person must want to change themselves. This includes both addictions, bad habits, and stopping harming fellow human beings.

The best method is to ignore the taunts and pay attention to those guests who behave friendly. I know how difficult it is to refrain from bouncing the ball back. Remember, however, that you will only lose energy and good mood.

Watch what you say

You can’t unsay what you’ve said. It is difficult to forgive and even more difficult to apologize. Therefore, before you say something or text in anger, think about what consequences it may have on the relationship. This advice should especially be considered by those with choleric personality, as they are the ones who tend to speak before they think.

Do not compare yourself to others

One of the main reasons for stress and negative emotions at family gatherings is that we compare ourselves to others. So don’t compare your salary, car, appearance or life to others. Intervene right away when someone in the family asks your child questions like these: “What grades do you have in school? Because my other grandchild or my neighbor’s daughter, gets only A’s / attends tennis lessons / could read as early as x years old”.

Take this person to the side and explain why such words are harmful. Ask not to expose children to such comparisons. You can read about why this is so damaging in my article titled Why toxic comparisons with others lower your life satisfaction.

Plan your tasks

Every year we see people frantically running around the stores just before Christmas. While bread, fish, meat or fruit actually cannot be bought well in advance, we can take care of gifts, decorations or a Christmas tablecloth much earlier. Save yourself the stress and standing in long lines.

A minimum of 3 weeks in advance, prepare a list of things you need for Christmas. Hang it in a prominent place, e.g. on the refrigerator, and add to it whenever you are reminded of another task. Then group (or color-code) what you can prepare in advance. For example: make sure the clothes you plan to wear don’t need to be washed, or that last year’s Santa outfit, tablecloths or centerpieces are still usable – rather than just running desperately through the stores on the morning of Christmas Eve looking for replacements...

Make a detailed list of all the food you will need. Ideally, after writing it down from memory, review the recipes you plan to use and make sure you haven’t forgotten anything. This will help you avoid the situation when, during the baking of the cake, you find that the gingerbread spice is missing.

Have realistic expectations

Advertisements and videos using the Christmas theme show a world that does not exist in reality! Everyone is kind and smiling. Even if there were conflicts or problems at the beginning, the ending is always happy. People forgive each other. They fix mistakes and relationships. They support each other and deal with difficulties together. At the end we get a picture of a perfect and happy family at a lavish table in a beautiful house.

Unfortunately, in real life it usually doesn’t work that way... The more sugarcoated picture you create for yourself, the more disappointed you will be when reality diverges from it. Expecting too much from yourself and others will cause frustration. For example: if someone in the family is always waspish, do not count on the fact that just before Christmas they have undergone a deep inner transformation, realized how much they had been hurting others, and that from now on they will be nice... And if you yourself had a difficult time at work before Christmas and were additionally crushed by a load of household duties, it will be more difficult for you to be as cheerful and patient with others as you would like. I explained this mechanism in more detail in the article titled Expectations vs. reality: how to avoid the trap of your imagination.

Show understanding to yourself and others

Despite efforts, something can always go wrong. You or another person might not be able to contain the desire to “bite back” in a conversation. You may raise a topic that you know will ignite a storm. Someone forgets to bring the promised cake. Instead of getting irritated, try to focus on the fact that you or this person did not have bad intentions in this situation. Nobody’s perfect.

Think about what is really important!

Unfortunately, all too often on Christmas we are so consumed with tasks and the desire to prepare perfect dishes that we forget that Christmas is not, after all, about eating and admiring beautiful decorations and a sparkling clean house. It should be a gathering of close people and spending time together!

Accept the fact that you have not been able to complete all tasks. In the spate of duties at work and household chores, it is difficult to take care of every detail. Instead of getting annoyed that there are not 12 dishes on the table, enjoy the moment!

I wish everyone a joyous Christmas spent in a warm and supportive atmosphere :).