The Superwoman Syndrome – Why Do Women Still Take On Too Much?

From perfection to burnout

I looked on in disbelief. A randomly found calendar revealed to me the sad truth about myself from years ago – I was a full-time “doer” without a narrow specialty. In other words, I was handling everything and everyone. I glance at the notes from one day: the kindergarten, tissue paper to buy, a performance at my son’s school, a parents’ meeting at my daughter’s, several deadlines and three meetings at work. In addition to this – do a cytology, prepare dinner, call husband, remember to deworm the cat.

Do you know that feeling? I bet you do. Many of us women feel that we must be perfect in each of our roles in life. But do we really need to carry this “superhero” burden?

Good organisation of daily life is one thing. But it gets complicated when you have to juggle life’s roles – mother, partner, employee/employer, friend – and you must be perfect and reliable in all of them. This effectively depletes our energy, time, physical and mental resources, over time leading to a sense of emptiness and even burnout. This is what the superwoman syndrome looks like.

Why do women take on too much?

A nationwide survey conducted by Dorota Peretiatkowicz and Katarzyna Krzywicka-Zdunek in 2018 as part of the “Woman Power” project showed that social pressure on women to “manage” has never been so great. We are expected not only to take care of the house, provide a warm dinner on the table, be in great shape and have sex appeal, but also to succeed professionally and earn a high salary.

Wanting to meet the expectations and not fall behind, we forget about ordinary human limitations. Biology can’t be fooled. This inhuman rush and perfectionism will eventually take their toll.

In his book “Four Thousand Weeks”, Olivier Burkeman argues: “In practical terms, a limit-embracing attitude to time means organizing your days with the understanding that you definitely won’t have time for everything you want to do, or that other people want you to do — and so, at the very least, you can stop beating yourself up for failing. Since hard choices are unavoidable, what matters is learning to make them consciously, deciding what to focus on and what to neglect”.

Time for a test – answer “YES” or “NO” to the following questions:

1. Do you have the belief that if something is to be done well and efficiently, you have to roll up your sleeves yourself?
2. Have you made your loved ones used to the fact it is you who handles everything, and they silently expect it from you?
3. Do you find it difficult to do something for yourself, to rest, because you could, after all, do so much in that time?
4. Is asking for help difficult for you because you know you should and can handle it yourself?
5. Does it happen that you correct after others because it’s best done your way?
6. Knowing that “after all, it has to be done”, do you take on more than you can handle?
7. Is your calendar filled with tasks and it is hard for you to find space to relax, time for yourself?
8. Are you often tired, but nevertheless carry on?
9. Is your body giving you signals that it needs a break, but you don’t give yourself permission to do so?
10. Do you happen to suppress your emotions and needs because you think this is not the right moment, or that there are more important topics?

Results:

• 1-4 “YES” answers? You probably have a healthy balance.
• More than 4 “YES” answers? It is worth looking at your patterns and start practicing the not easy “art of letting go”.

How to fight the superwoman syndrome?

The superwoman syndrome can have a variety of sources – the socially accepted model of the “ideal woman”, social media, examples from the home, or fear of being judged and criticised. It can also stem from the so-called impostor syndrome, which makes us prove our competence by working too much.

Whatever the cause, the consequences of superwoman syndrome are serious – chronic fatigue, occupational and parental burnout, psychosomatic complaints. In professional life – it makes it difficult to delegate tasks and upsets work-life balance. In private life – it weakens relationships with loved ones.

Good news? We can do something about it! It is a good idea to look at your habits and, as a result, change your approach. It is worth starting by accepting that the ideal does not exist, and that letting go is part of taking care of yourself.

The key is healthy time management, proper prioritisation, and planning rest as an investment in one’s well-being. It will be useful to improve delegation skills as well as recognise others’ right to do things “their way”. At the very most, you will correct them later!

I also encourage you to externally reinforce this process – there are plenty of women around you in a similar situation, and talking to them can act as a real mentoring or mastermind.

Pick one small thing that you will consciously let go of in the coming week and see what happens. Certainly, the world will not collapse, and you can take a breath.

And finally, a reflection – since even Superman turned into Clark Kent to take a break from his “super-version”, we should also give ourselves the right to do so. The regenerated female potential is unstoppable!

^{References:
1) “Women in Poland 2018” survey, research agency IQS, in cooperation with Ringier Axel Springer publishing house
2) O. Bukerman, “Four Thousand Weeks”, Wydawnictwo Insignis}