What should we keep in mind before we start planning?
First of all, we can’t have our whole lives planned out, because we live in a number of private, professional and social ecosystems with their impacts and processes that we can’t always control. Hence, our lives are quite an exciting journey, full of adventure, unplanned events and encounters. That’s why it’s good to be aware that while we do have an impact on our lives, there must be room for variety and the unexpected.
Secondly, along the dynamic life journey, our goals may evolve and be modified, which is sometimes necessary to achieve the desired outcome or completely change the direction when we have learned our lesson and want something new.
Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, the goal-setting process is meant for me, so the starting point and the end point are within me. And this is where the real adventure begins.
What types of goals are there?
To begin with, let’s consider why I want to set life goals for myself? What is the intention behind it? Is it an imprinted belief that I need to have ambitions because they make life easier, because an adult person needs to set some goals for themselves, because it looks good to others?
Or do I want to set life goals for myself because I feel the desire to achieve, I want to accomplish something, or live guided by my needs or principles?
According to Tara Mohr, the author of Playing Big, there are two types of goals:
- gift-goals that come from knowing yourself, your potential, talents, desires and dreams, and are linked to your life mission and roles;
- should-goals that result from upbringing and socialisation and impose certain ways of living or functioning.
The more we are driven by extrinsic motivations, the weaker the drive will be, requiring constant reinforcement.
The role of imagination and evaluating my potential in planning
Another thing to do in the goal-setting process is to imagine how I will feel when I achieve this goal. So I travel in time to the moment when the goal has been attained and I feel... – how? Tell us. Emotions have an incredible power of giving the body and mind a sense of what it will be like, allowing them to prepare to act towards that goal.
We remain focused on self-awareness, because to achieve a goal, we also need to identify all the resources we have – our qualities, skills, talents, achievements, knowledge, as well as external resources, such as relationships, people or groups that can support us, who are worth leveraging, especially when we get stuck or lose motivation.
It will be easier for us to go after a goal if the chosen path is relevant to our daily life. Which means we will minimise any additional distractors or tasks that will get in the way of our routine. According to James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, goals must first and foremost be clear and simple and the actions taken to achieve them should be linked to something we enjoy doing, people who think and act like us or have a similar value system.
Very often, on the way to achieving our goals, we pin our hopes on self-discipline, which is not controlled by any specific part of the brain, so it’s hard to develop. Besides, self-discipline does not encourage action by its very definition. ‘Self-’ indicates we are left to our own devices. ‘Discipline’, on the other hand, tends to have negative connotations, being associated with regime and tension.
Together it’s easier to achieve
That’s why a critical part of accomplishing your goals is to have a support network, which means identifying:
- Who will I discuss my progress with?
- Who will be my role model? Who has achieved the goal and succeeded? When things become tough, that person’s image or story will remind me that it is worthwhile to continue on this path.
- What other sources will I be able to use when I struggle? Maybe some kind of support group, an association?
Some bumps on the way to achieving my goals are almost certain, so in the process of planning I should go back to the overarching goal – that is, remind myself why I actually want to achieve this particular thing. Mission, vision, values, feelings, sense of influence – these areas are of great importance in setting and achieving long-term goals.
What to do if we start doubting our goals?
When we get stuck, when we run out of strength or willpower, we generally press on, we force ourselves to keep going, often ending up exhausted and even more disheartened. Instead, it’s a good idea to become curious and ask yourself some probing questions, such as:
- What has drained me of my strength?
- What does this temporary break mean?
- Why do I need to stop?
We stop for a reason. Sometimes we go too far and forget to appreciate our past achievements. And sometimes we get off track, moving away from our goal, and we need to lose our strength in order to stop and see if we are still on the right way, if we have the right resources.
Another important technique is zooming out, or looking from a distance. What does this mean for achieving goals? First of all, we get a perspective of how much we have already accomplished, because we are often so absorbed with the ‘here and now’ that we do not see the bigger picture of our achievements. It’s also a good moment to thank ourselves for the work we’ve done so far, to feel satisfied with how much we’ve already gone through on this journey, but also to adjust if necessary.
There are many techniques and ways to achieve the goals. The most important thing is to define them in line with what we want and hold dear. If they move the heart, stir up emotions, encourage action, it means they are worth the effort. And it’s perfectly normal to adjust the goal or change the direction on the way. After all, we learn by experiencing and draw conclusions. We are part of a larger system that influences us, but our needs also change over the course of our lives. That’s why it’s a good idea to use support on the way to your goal, but also to allow ourselves to explore the new and unknown, to modify things and be flexible.
